Learning Lessons and Making Happiness

Sure, I will admit that I did not want to move to Texas. People that know me really well and talked to me around the time we were getting ready to move here knew this fact loud and clear. I made it very obvious, maybe a little too obvious. Growing up in a small ski-town in Southern Colorado I knew who these "Texans" were and I was not a fan of them. First and foremost, the Texan driver was a very well known animal in our neck of the woods. It's enough to make you fear your life on the road. They also came in to the restaurant I was bartending and demanded things. They acted like they were top priority and we had to reorganize our little lives around them, because they come in huge suburbans full of ten family members and cash. Don't get me wrong, the money I made during holiday breaks was a blessing(when they felt like tipping that is.) When I found out the company I started working for had a contract in Galveston, Texas I was excited at first. This was a great opportunity to move up in something and make good money. The job is also helping the less fortunate people in the area because they get a chance to move into a nice home, in a nice neighborhood and start a new life after Hurricane Ike hit in 2008. A lot of them are still living in dangerous conditions and I have the chance to help them. After telling some of my closest friends and family about the choice to come here, they were surprised. "You are moving to Texas? You? Are you ok? Are you sick?" I really started thinking about this decision and why I was really doing it. After all, I was in Denver where I was extremely happy with a group of tight knit friends who accept me the way I am. People that I don't constantly feel like I have to impress or fit in with. That's when the fear started kicking in. Would these people forget about me after I left Colorado? Would I just be a distant memory or like that Gotye song "Somebody that they used to know." As time got closer and closer the more negative I felt about the whole situation. I was reluctant to pack my bags and give up the condo I had just put a deposit on. The place that I turned into a home for Nate and I because I thought this is where we were going to spend at least the next year when the money was put down. Luckily, a friend was able to take over my lease for the remainder and ended up getting a pretty sweet deal out of it. I complained and made snarky comments thinking that venting about it would make the situation better. Do you think it did? The answer to the above question is "no." It made things worse and caused stress that was not needed in an already stressful time. A few short weeks later it was time to say goodbye and start our new life in Texas. We left late in the afternoon on January 6th. We drove through the night with my Saturn Vue packed to the brim. There was no turning back now. We got to Galveston 18 hours later in the middle of the day. The beach was a welcome sight because I have always loved the water. We started our jobs the next day and that was that. It all happened so fast. It was a huge adjustment period for me. I did not know any of these people and me in all my introvert glory was a nervous wreck. What if they don't like me? What if I cant do this job? This is what it has been for the past year. I have been questioning myself at every turn, if I feel like I have said the wrong thing to the wrong person, I feel like a grudge gets held against me and it gets talked about behind my back later. All this in turn gave me a complex where I felt I was never good enough for anyone. I was starting to make myself believe that my own boyfriend wouldn't want me anymore if I could not be who these people wanted me to me. And one day I realized something. I got really sick with pneumonia and had a lot of time to think about things while sitting on my butt and trying to "relax." Why does it matter? All that matters is who I am and I am going to shine that out my ass and if people don't like it, that's their problem. I felt like I lost the last year living in a world where my main concern was trying to impress others and succumb to what they wanted me to be. It made me really question what brings me inner peace and helped me realize that that is what needs to be my main focus. Texas is not responsible for my downer days, neither are the people that treat me like I am dumb or not good enough. It is me and who I am on the inside that will blast through all that negative energy and prevail. I am learning that I need to embrace these situations with open arms because these are the moments that challenge me and make me a better person. It's almost the end of 2013, and what better time to start all over again with peace in my heart and a smile on my face. Life is not going to be perfect all the time, and things are not going to go my way 100% of the time. I cannot control every aspect of my life and I have to be ready when things seem to come collapsing down on me. It is MY attitude and the way I look at and handle the situation that will get me through. I turn 28 in February and it's my golden birthday since my birthday happens to fall on the 28th. I figure the best gift that is worth more than gold to me is self-respect, self-love, and self-adoration. Nobody else around me can create that happiness inside me unless I feel like I deserve it. In the past year, I have learned many things about myself and who I truly am. It may have taken moving to Texas to really learn these valuable lessons. Not being surrounded by people that adore me has really made me learn to love and respect myself. I am really smart, friendly, fun, and I have a lot to offer the friends that decide to stay in my life. If I am here for another year, I will have a whole new attitude about it and make it one of the best years of my life. I have an awesome partner in crime who is always there for me no matter what(Thanks Nate) and a brand new puppy that's life we made better by adopting her. It's all about these simple joys in life and grasping what really matters.